What to wear to Thanksgiving dinner

Thanksgiving dinner is a five hour meal followed by a sofa. It is also the one day a year your relatives see what you wear, and photograph it. Those two facts pull in opposite directions, and the outfit that works is the one that respects both.

The dress code, in the absence of anyone stating one, is the same nearly everywhere: nicer than a Sunday at home, more relaxed than a restaurant. Which is a description of clothes most people already own.

Read the table before the invitation

Your own parents' house means what you would wear to a good family lunch. Your partner's parents' house means a notch above that, especially the first year. A Friendsgiving in someone's flat sits at the relaxed end. A booked restaurant means what you would wear to any restaurant, and a coat you are happy to be seen in.

Whoever is hosting has usually been cooking since the morning and will be in an apron for half of it. Nobody expects you to outdress the host, and it is a small kindness not to.

The outfit that works at almost every table

A good knit and trousers with some give in the waist. That is the answer for most people, most years. The knit does the smartening: a fine merino or a cable knit in a warm colour reads as effort in a way a hoodie never will. The trousers do the surviving: dark chinos, wool trousers, a knit skirt, or jeans that were not at their tightest to begin with.

Colour does the seasonal work

You do not need anything printed with a leaf. Rust, mustard, olive, burgundy, camel and cream are the colours that read as autumn on their own, and most wardrobes contain at least one of them. A burgundy knit with dark jeans, a camel cardigan over a cream top, an olive shirt under a navy jacket: any of these looks like you thought about the day without looking like you dressed for a theme.

For men

A knit or a soft shirt, dark trousers or dark jeans, and shoes that are not the trainers you run in. Add an unstructured jacket if you are meeting a partner's family or going to a restaurant. A tie is too much at a family table almost everywhere; a collar under a crew neck knit is the classic middle.

If you will be asked to carve, help clear, or get on the floor with someone's toddler, and one of those will happen, avoid anything that cannot take a splash.

For women

A knit dress with boots is the outfit that gets photographed and survives the sofa. A silk or satin blouse with wide trousers does the same job for a restaurant table. Cardigans have had a good few years and a long one over a simple dress or trousers is warm, smart and forgiving after the second plate. Heels are optional; a flat boot or a loafer is right for a house with a hallway full of shoes.

Friendsgiving

The relaxed end. Nice jeans, a good top, something with a bit of colour, and shoes you can take off at the door. The difference between Friendsgiving and a normal evening at a friend's is mostly that somebody will take a group photo, so wear the version of your usual outfit you would be happy to see again.

What not to wear

• Anything with a fixed, tight waist. This is the whole list, really.
• Cream trousers or a white top, if gravy, cranberry sauce and red wine are all on the table. They are all on the table.
• A full suit or a cocktail dress at a family house. It reads as having misjudged the day.
• Brand new shoes in a house where you will be on your feet helping, then off your feet for hours.
• Loungewear. Comfortable is the goal; looking like you did not change is a different thing.

Travelling to it

If Thanksgiving means a drive or a flight, wear the outfit rather than packing it, and choose the pieces that do not crease: knits, dark denim, wool trousers, a knit dress. Pack one change of top in case the first one meets the cranberry sauce.

Build it from what you own

Nothing above requires a shop. A warm knit, trousers with some give, a decent pair of shoes and one autumn colour: the pieces are in the wardrobe, usually in three different drawers. Rate My Fit Now is built for that morning. Photograph your clothes once, type "thanksgiving dinner at the in-laws" or just "family dinner", and it hands back an outfit from your own pieces with a reason for each. Then it films five seconds of you wearing it, so you can settle the knit-or-cardigan question before you get dressed.

The short version

• Choose the waistband first.
• A good knit does the smartening; the trousers do the surviving.
• One autumn colour, no themed prints.
• Dress one notch up for a partner's family or a restaurant.
• Nothing white on a table with gravy.